Our Fourth Trimester

The first three months immediately following a baby’s birth are known as The Fourth Trimester. It is a time of immense physical, hormonal and emotional adjustment for the newborn and for the mother; it is a time of change for the entire family. February 7th marked the end of our fourth trimester, and I am just not ready to say goodbye to these precious first months we’ve spent with Stone.

Of course, time never stops, and we are about to enter Stone’s fourth month of life. And while I love this new stage we are entering (Stone is smiling, cooing and laughing, rolling over… and did I mention his adorable smile?), it is bittersweet as time slips on, and we move beyond those squishy newborn days.

Stone entered the world on my 29th birthday at 11:59 pm. It was my second home birth (you can read the story of my first home birth with Darlene here), and it was the healing, restorative home birth I had dreamed of. The whole experience was made even more special because now my son and I will share a birthday for the rest of our lives. You can read Stone’s full birth story here.

The hours and days immediately following Stone’s entrance earth-side are some of the most cherished memories I have in this life. That feeling of emerging triumphantly on the other side of an unmedicated, natural birth, with your long-awaited baby in your arms, is a feeling unlike any other. That incredible high that, for me, lasts for many weeks after my baby is born.

With my firstborn, we had to make an unexpected trip to the emergency room when she was 18 hours old. She stayed in the hospital NICU for 3 days. Although we got to stay at a room at the hospital, we were still separated from our baby. I was robbed of those sacred, first-72 hours laying in bed with my precious newborn, skin to skin, breastfeeding on demand, all of that good stuff. When we got home from the hospital she was already 4 days old. And yes, 4 days old is still a tiny newborn, and we are so fortunate that she didn’t need to spend more time in the hospital. But there is just something so deeply traumatic about abruptly separating an hours-old baby from her mother. I mourned the loss of those days for many months after, and even today, I still have a great deal of trauma and sadness from that experience.

So taking that into perspective, the fact that I was able to stay home with Stone, uninterrupted, for the first few days of his life was a sacred and precious experience that I did not take for granted. I spent most of every day in bed, skin to skin with my baby boy, sleeping in, nursing on demand, and taking naps with him.

The first morning after Stone was born, it was just Jade, Stone and I, since Darlene had slept over at my parents house. I remember waking up in that blissful bubble (I had just been staring at my baby sleeping in between us, and had never really gone to sleep) and still feeling disbelief that we had done it, our baby was here! That morning I just snuggled in bed with Stone while Jade whipped up some biscuits and gravy and we ate the delicious meal in bed.

Our first morning together…Stone was 7 hours old.

Later that morning, my parents wanted to bring Darlene back home, and of course everyone wanted to see the baby. My brother and sister in law had been in town for 2 weeks waiting for the baby to be born (naturally he was two weeks late) so they had to drive back to the Bay Area that day. Late in the morning, everyone came over and I got out of bed to bring Stone into the living room and pass him around. I was still on such a high from the birth and I probably shouldn’t have been walking around, but I felt so proud and in love. My family adored Stone of course, and then they all left and Darlene stayed, and suddenly we were a family of four.

Since we had a home birth, one of the benefits was that we got many home check-ups from our midwives in the first few days and weeks following the birth. Before Stone was born, I had made a special request that my midwife come back to check on the baby on the first evening before we went to sleep. With Darlene, that first night was when she experienced respiratory distress and we had to rush to the emergency room. I needed my mind put at ease that we would not be experiencing that traumatic situation again. So the first evening, when Stone was about 18 hours old, my midwife came by to check his vitals, and he was doing great! I knew from his birth and his Apgar scores that he was already doing better than Darlene, but I just needed that reassurance, and I’m so grateful my midwife was more than happy to stop by that first evening. My midwives also stopped by the next day, and on day 3, and on days 7 and 14.

It was so nice to not need to leave the house whatsoever for the first 2 weeks! Especially during the time of Covid. Since I didn’t leave the house, I never had to wear a mask or even think about that stuff. Stone and I stayed home in our little newborn bubble, completely shielded from the outside world and the news. The 2020 presidential election had just been called for Joe Biden on the day Stone was born, and since then there were protests and riots, not to mention all the surging cases of Covid-19. There was so much turmoil out there in the world, but we were blind to it all, snuggled up in bed, sleeping, learning to breastfeed together, and just falling in love.

So many of our days were spent like this

Anyways, back to that first day. After my family left, we spent the day with Stone and Darlene, and I remember how much Darlene adored her brother. She held him and sang to him and she kept saying “I can’t believe my brother is here!”

I don’t remember what we did the rest of that day, but I do remember that first night. Stone wouldn’t go to sleep that night, he just wanted to nurse all night long, and my milk hadn’t come in yet so I’m sure he was a little hungry. He cried a lot that night and I kept getting out of bed and taking him into the living room to nurse. I needed the light on to see what I was doing; he was so tiny and I needed to help him latch. He snuggled up against my chest and I could support his entire body with the palm of my hand. I was so in love with my baby, but I was so exhausted. I hadn’t slept since his birth, and it was catching up to me. Stone wouldn’t let me put him down in the Snuggle Me in the middle of our bed, he would cry unless I was holding him. I tried to sleep while holding him. I was propped up on pillows in our bed and I might have dozed off, but not for long.

That first night, he just wanted to be held by mama

He continued crying throughout the night and I tried so hard to comfort him. While I was changing his diaper in the middle of the night, he peed for the first time, and it sprayed all over him and I in true baby boy fashion. I took him back and forth from the bedroom to the living room multiple times and tried to nurse him, but he continued crying. Finally, I got frustrated. I put Stone in between Jade and I in the bed, and I laid down with my back turned to him, and tried to fall asleep while he cried. I needed sleep, I was desperate. I asked Jade to please take over so I could just close my eyes for an hour. Jade walked around the house holding our crying baby for a little bit while I rested. Eventually he woke me up, asking me to try to nurse Stone again. Normally, I would nurse in the side-lying position and I could even fall asleep nursing in bed, but with my tiny newborn who was still figuring out a latch, I couldn’t nurse laying down. I was afraid I would fall asleep and smother him. I had to sit up and focus on the task at hand, and I was just exhausted. At some point morning arrived, and Stone fell asleep around 4. The first few nights were like that while we waited for my milk to come in.

Once my milk came in on day 4, Stone was such a happy, milk drunk baby. I remember on the first or second day it came in, I was holding a sleeping Stone in my lap, and he began smiling in his sleep. He had such a big happy grin on his face and I caught it on video. He still smiles in his sleep and it’s so cute.

Throughout the first few days and weeks, my parents stopped by many more times, bringing food and diapers, loading the dishwasher or picking up the house for us, and taking Darlene to have special play dates and sleepovers. I cannot overemphasize how wonderful this was for us. Darlene needed that special one on one time, and I could’t give it to her at that time. I feel so thankful that I have such a supportive and helpful family who live nearby. Several different friends also dropped off meals and gifts for us.

My best friend since childhood, Susie, stopped by for a visit during the first week. Her twins are besties with Darlene, so they had a fun time playing while me and Susie hung out with Stone. Susie ordered us some lunch and offered to hold Stone so I could eat. She made sure I had everything I needed. Later on, my midwife stopped by for our one week checkup, and Susie took care of all three older kids so my midwife and I could have an uninterrupted appointment. Talk about a best friend! During those first weeks, I felt completely taken care of by my amazing support network. And my sweet husband Jade was especially incredible.

Jade took almost 3 weeks off of work during this time, and he took care of Darlene, our meals, the dishes and laundry, and me! Some of you might remember that we had gotten a puppy about a month before Stone was born. Jade made it a habit to take Darlene and our puppy Rambo out on long walks almost every day. I would stay home, snuggled up in bed with Stone. Every time they arrived home after one of their walks, it made me so happy to hear Darlene talk about how much fun she had with her daddy, and I could see their relationship strengthening every day.

Jade also did a ton of work in our backyard in the weeks surrounding Stone’s birth. The day I went into labor with Stone, Jade was working in the yard a little bit, and I stood out there with him, breathing through early contractions while we envisioned the future landscape of our backyard. When Stone was born in early November, the weather was gorgeous for the Fall. After he was born, Jade, Darlene and Rambo spent a lot of time working and playing in our yard while Stone and I stayed in bed. I have fond memories of laying in bed, the warm afternoon light pouring in through the window, and hearing Jade playing with Darlene in the backyard just outside our bedroom window.

One night, soon after Stone was born, Jade and Darlene had made a fire pit in our yard, and they were sitting out there in camping chairs, drinking hot cocoa and watching the fire. Jade brought me hot chocolate in bed before they went outside, with whipped cream and chocolate shavings on top from shaving a tiny chocolate chip lol. So sweet. Darlene really wanted me to join them, so I left Stone in the warm house and sat in a camping chair for a few minutes with them, enjoying the fire. It was just the three of us sitting around the fire, and it was hard to believe that we now had a tiny fourth member of our family sleeping inside the house. Stone had come into our lives and changed everything, and yet, we were still us, the same as we had always been.

My Solly wrap was a lifesaver! This was the first time I put Stone in it.

Stone’s first time outside, he was about 1 week old. Just went to our front yard & to get the mail!

My first time driving with both kids. Darlene was so happy, Stone was crying lol

First solo grocery trip with both kids. Lollipop for bribery

My sweet sister came and took some photos of Stone when he was a couple weeks old

Breastfeeding your second baby is often a family affair

Stone’s first thanksgiving. He was only two weeks old!

Having a newborn around the holidays was so magical

Stone started smiling right before Christmas!

Our first trip as a family of 4 was to my family’s new cabin an hour away. It was the perfect trip!

Fourth Trimester Essentials

Darlene’s Birth Story